


correspondence (2/4)

by likecharity



Series: correspondence [2]
Category: Chronicles of Narnia RPF
Genre: Crack, E-mail, Letters, M/M, Ridiculous, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-01
Updated: 2008-07-01
Packaged: 2018-01-26 12:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1688198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likecharity/pseuds/likecharity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of letters exchanged between Will and Skandar while Skandar is in Mexico filming <i>Voyage of the Dawn Treader</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	correspondence (2/4)

**Author's Note:**

> Email address ideas courtesy of [diskoandlace](http://diskoandlace.livejournal.com). A few references: nickname 'Wizzle' from the Prince Caspian Movie Companion book, nickname 'Skandalous' from [this article](http://www.filmfocus.co.uk/newsdetail.asp?NewsID=674), and Hyrise is a boyband that Ben used to be in. [No, seriously](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjk2VODQi3A).

**Subject:** Letters are slow and old-fashioned.  
 **Date:** 15th December 2008  
 **To:** wizzlefromthablock@yahoo.co.uk  
 **From:** skandaramincasperkeynes@gmail.co.uk

Email is so much easier.

I'm dreading your Christmas present now, thanks. What is it? Roses? A photo album of all our time together? If it's something like a ringbinder of all of our letters, I'm taking the next plane over there and punching you in the nose. We don't really have specific plans for Christmas, so I can easily drop everything and replace it with a good weekend of nose-punching, believe me.

I'm still getting over the whole camping disaster. There's this one thing that I'm trying to block from my memory but I think I have to share my misery, so I'm going to have to tell you. This one morning, we all woke up because we could hear clattering around and stuff, and then we worked out that Ben had disappeared, so we all got up to see what was going on, and Will, oh god, Will, he was --

He was fishing naked.

Of course he got kind of embarrassed when he saw us, and then spent the whole rest of the day rambling on about 'getting back to nature' again (as if you can't fully appreciate the environment unless you're starkers in it or something) and NOW he keeps making all these awkward jokes about rods that everybody just laughs nervously at.

He just came in here and made me tell him what I was writing to you about, and he seems kind of horrified, which is stupid because it's not MY fault that he's some kind of weird nudist angler.

To make up for it, he told me to tell you that he caught a fish in the end, right, and he made a lot of hand gestures to show me how big to tell you it was, but it was all a lie. It was practically a minnow, Will, it was pathetic. I was cooling my feet off in the river and they basically swim right up to you. They have the same level of intelligence as a bunch of swimming jellybeans.

And then we couldn't even eat it because Georgie got all upset. And THEN it turned out that Will P is allergic to kind of crackers that we'd basically been living on, so he threw up all over the tent. It was awful.

Scarred for life by the camping trip,  
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.

 

 

 

 **Subject:** 'the nudist anglers' would be a good name for a band...  
 **Date** 15th December 2008  
 **To:** wizzlefromthablock@yahoo.co.uk  
 **From:** hyriseforeva@hotmail.co.uk

he's the one who's lying, mate, the fish was much bigger than a minnow. _much_ bigger. the same can be said for the rod, if you know what i mean, and i think you do. ;)

may the stars of the morrow shine in your favour,  
benito

p.s. i'm getting a new email address soon, i _swear_. stop laughing!

 

 

 

 **Subject:** Emails are impersonal.  
 **Date:** 16th December 2008  
 **To:** skandaramincasperkeynes@gmail.co.uk  
 **From:** wizzlefromthablock@yahoo.co.uk

I...I don't know what to say about Ben fishing naked. Except that wasn't it cold? And did Georgie see anything? Please tell me Georgie didn't see anything. If Georgie has seen Ben's, er, minnow, then I might have to turn up and sort things out because _seriously_ , if there's naked fishing involved in the making of this movie, you need me and Anna much more than you thought.

Tell Ben that I am not impressed with his fish euphemisms (do _not_ tell him that I just used one up there) and that a band called The Nudist Anglers would never, ever get a record deal. Don't worry about it, he'll know what I mean.

There's no need to get so violent about the Christmas present thing. It's not even that romantic. It's not, honestly.

Okay, fine, it's a mix CD.

It's not _that_ mushy, it's just some songs I've been listening to lately that make me think of you. You must be doing the same kind of thing! You listen to your iPod all the time.

I'm really not happy about this emailing thing, it's like I'm talking to a robot. I want to get actual physical letters in the mail, Skandar. :(

xoxo Will

 

 

 

 **Subject:** Re: Emails are impersonal.  
 **Date:** 16th December 2008  
 **To:** wizzlefromthablock@yahoo.co.uk  
 **From:** skandaramincasperkeynes@gmail.co.uk

Will, you are such a girl.

I have maybe ONE song that SOMETIMES makes me think about you, but only when I'm really homesick which is basically never. And you have enough to make a whole CD? You're lucky I'm staying with you after that confession.

I'm not sure how much of Ben Georgie saw. Will P covered her eyes pretty instantly, which was nice of him -- I was too busy covering my own to think about it. So I think we're okay. Not that I'm trying to discourage you from coming over here because I could really use you at the moment. And Anna, and Andrew. It turns out Michael is a huge fan of fishing, too, and so he's replaced his Mexico trivia with fishing trivia, and it makes me want to attack him with a rod. Not that kind of rod, OH SHIT, NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GO AND SCRUB MY BRAIN.

CAN WE JUST PRETEND I DIDN'T SAY THAT. LET'S MOVE ON.

Emailing is QUICKER. You did say you wanted to hear from me as regularly as possible. Also, you can attach things. Like PHOTOS.

Not that great at subtle hints,  
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.

 

 

 

 **Subject:** Re: Emails are impersonal.  
 **Date:** 17th December 2008  
 **To:** skandaramincasperkeynes@gmail.co.uk  
 **From:** wizzlefromthablock@yahoo.co.uk

I'm really still not happy about the emailing thing. I miss getting your letters.

What is this song? I'm curious now. You're going to have to make a mix CD of your own. Don't fight it, I know you want to.

Will P. is my hero, Skandar, seriously. First he gives you stamps so that you can write to me, and now he's shielding Georgie's eyes from naked Ben? These aren't exactly specific qualifications that I look for in a hero (in fact, they have never come up before) but they're getting him a lot of points.

What photos? Photos from set?

Also, I thought you should know that I am ignoring everything rod-related from now on, lest I need to join you in the brain-scrubbing. I hope you found some sort of cleaning supplies that did the trick though, if not I suggest Mr Muscle. Always gets the job done.

xoxo Will

 

 

 

 **Subject:** Apparently I'm better at subtle hints than I thought.  
 **Date:** 18th December 2008  
 **To:** wizzlefromthablock@yahoo.co.uk  
 **From:** skandaramincasperkeynes@gmail.co.uk  
 **(Attached files:** _DSC00779.jpg, DSC00780.jpg, DSC00781.jpg._ **)**

I'm not telling you what the song is. We're not girlfriend and boyfriend separated by sea and sending each other mixtapes to express our love and devotion. It's not happening.

Also, Mr Muscle always gets the job done for you, does he? What sort of job would that be? I've never trusted Mr Muscle, I've seen him hanging out under your kitchen sink, planning his seductions. I knew something would happen between the two of you eventually. Always stick to Dettol, Will, WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU.

These are the photos. I can't believe you forgot about them already. Does 'sombrero' ring a bell? No? What about if I tell you that it's a shame you're ignoring everything rod-related, because that means you can't click on these files?

HOW'S THAT FOR A HINT,  
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.

 

 

 

 **Subject:** I am definitely coming around to this email idea.  
 **Date:** 18th December 2008  
 **To:** skandaramincasperkeynes@gmail.co.uk  
 **From:** wizzlefromthablock@yahoo.co.uk

I can't work out how to adequately express my reaction to those photos. First of all I want to say _thank you_ , only imagine that I've typed it about a hundred times. _A hundred times, Skandar._ And also I want to say _wow_ , a hundred times for that one too. I thought they were going to just be photos of you wearing a sombrero! Well, I suppose they _are_ , but I thought you'd be wearing something else as well.

Oh my god, Skandar, why do you have to be so far away?

Also please tell me you used an automatic timer, for that last one at least.

xoxo Will

P.S. Don't think this lets you off the hook about the song thing, though.

P.P.S. You have to dilute Dettol before you use it, it's too much hassle.

 

 

 

 **Subject:** Interesting use of the word 'coming' there.  
 **Date:** 19th December 2008  
 **To:** wizzlefromthablock@yahoo.co.uk  
 **From:** skandaramincasperkeynes@gmail.co.uk

You're welcome. They're kind of Disney's worst nightmare and a celebrity gossip site's wet dream, though, so you should probably delete them. I suppose you can print them out first as long as you're careful. I wouldn't want to keep you away from such amazing images forever.

There was no automatic timer involved, I don't know what you're talking about. Ben took them all for me, he was really helpful. And we had a bit of fun afterwards.

I'm kidding, of course I used a timer. I bet I had you going there, though. Not in that way. At least I _hope_ not in that way. I'm going to stop this right here if that's okay with you.

Budding glamour model,  
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.

P.S. The song stays firmly on my iPod, where it belongs.

P.P.S. I sent your Christmas present a few days ago, Ben said it wouldn't get there if I waited any longer. Hope you get it on time. I haven't gotten your mix CD yet. Does that mean you changed your mind and you're going to get me a more manly gift?

 

 

 

 **Title:** yo, lovebirds.  
 **Date:** 20th December 2008  
 **To:** skandaramincasperkeynes@gmail.co.uk, wizzlefromthablock@yahoo.co.uk  
 **From:** hyriseforeva@hotmail.co.uk

emailing you seems to be the only way to get your attention, lately, skandar, that's why i'm sending this to you as well as will, even though you're sitting on the opposite side of the room to me right now. a moment ago you looked up to see if anyone noticed that you scratched your crotch just then, and i would like to inform you -- through the miracle of online technology -- that yes, i did.

michael wants to finalise the plans for yours and anna's visit, will. he asked me to pass on your email address so that he could have a chat to you about the arrangements, is that okay? you're coming here for the new year, right?

may you feel the summer sun even through the darkest winter,  
benito

 

 

 

 **Title:** Secret Christmas Plan.  
 **Date:** 20th December 2008  
 **To:** hyriseforeva@hotmail.co.uk  
 **From:** wizzlefromthablock@yahoo.co.uk

 _Do not tell Skandar about this._ I know that keeping secrets isn't exactly your forté, but I have a plan and I need at least some of you lot over there to know about it otherwise it isn't going to work.

I'm coming to visit early. I'm aiming to get there around teatime on Christmas Eve. Anna's sticking to the initial plan and arriving on the 30th, and then we'll both leave together on the 2nd. I want to come early as a surprise for Skandar seeing as he rejected my mix CD idea for being 'too romantic'.

So have a quiet word with Michael and everyone and let them know that this is the plan, but whatever you do, _don't_ tell Skandar. I know this is going to be a struggle for you, but please try your hardest.

Also, ask Skandar if he's aware that a glamour model is basically the same thing as a softcore porn star. Don't ask me why, it's none of your business.

xoxo Will

 

 

 

 ** _(Will receives a text a little later that day while he is attempting to get a risotto recipe to cooperate with him, and he puts the stubborn packet of rice aside in favour of checking his phone.)_**  
Messages/Inbox/New message  
From - Anna Spanner

Have to suffer through 10 hr flight all alone just so you can make a big romantic gesture? So unfair. V romantic though, have to admit. Did I leave my blue tights @ yours the other week? Can't find them. xx

 

 

 

 **Title:** Re: Secret Christmas Plan.  
 **Date:** 21st December 2008  
 **To:** wizzlefromthablock@yahoo.co.uk  
 **From:** hyriseforeva@hotmail.co.uk

yes, because flying all the way to mexico 4 days before he's expecting you as a surprise is so much less romantic than sending him some songs.

your logic puzzles me, moseley.

but sure, that sounds great. i've talked to michael about it and he seemed slightly confused but overall fine with it (he seems slightly confused 99% of the time anyway, we've grown used to it.) we've managed to arrange for me and georgie to sneak off and meet you at the airport. text me the deets, okay?

i've managed to keep my lips shut so far, but I can't promise anything.

i asked skandar your weirdo porn question and he laughed for about five minutes and then told me to tell you 'why, of course'. i'm not even going to pretend to understand.

may the moon bring you peace always,  
benizzle

(if you can have a gangster nickname, i can too.)

 

 

 

 ** _(Ben is ambushed by Michael (who has somehow gone, in the last few days, from fishing trivia to golf trivia) after sending his email, and is extremely glad to be saved from being told why, exactly, golf courses are 18 holes in length, by the beeping of his mobile phone.)_**  
Messages/Inbox/New message  
From - Willy

4 days, Ben? Really? You can't count. Flight gets in @ 18:45, Juárez International Airport. Good old Benito again. xoxo Will

 

 

 

 ** _(Will has just started a load of laundry when his phone beeps. He reads the text with a duvet cover draped over his shoulder and a pair of dirty socks in his other hand, and shakes his head, laughing.)_**  
Messages/Inbox/New message  
From - Ben B

maths irrelevant. and that damn juárez is everywhere. b.

 

 

 

  
_**Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, sent on the 15th, arriving on the 22nd December 2008. Delay due to Christmas rush.**  
(Found inside a package and written in cheerful handwriting on a Post-It stuck to a large hardback book called _ A Life Of Benito Juárez, Constitutional President Of Mexico _by Ulick Ralph Burke.)_  


  
Merry Christmas!

Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.

 

 

 

 **Subject:** You're cruel, Skan.  
 **Date:** 22nd December 2008  
 **To:** skandaramincasperkeynes@gmail.co.uk  
 **From:** wizzlefromthablock@yahoo.co.uk

Truly cruel.

You know I'm not even going to read a single _page_ of this.

 

 

 

 **Subject:** (no subject)  
 **Date:** 23rd December 2008  
 **To:** wizzlefromthablock@yahoo.co.uk  
 **From:** skandaramincasperkeynes@gmail.co.uk  
 **(Attached files:** _[stayoutoftrouble.mp3](http://www.box.net/shared/pi8dko61ws)_ **)**

_What we've got has lately not been enough._  
I wish I had your scarf still, that once embraced and kept me warm.  
Stay out of trouble, stay in touch. Try not to think about me too much. 

It's called 'Stay Out of Trouble' and it's by Kings of Convenience. Will P really likes them, that's how I heard it.

I'm never doing anything like this again, so savour it. Only doing it because it's Christmas.

Missing you,  
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.

 

 

 

 ** _(Skandar is in the middle of a scene when he hears his phone beep from off set. Much to everybody's annoyance he insists on taking a break just so that he can check it and respond.)_**  
Messages/Inbox/New message  
From - Wizzle

I got your email. I'm listening to the song. I love you. xoxo Will

 

 

 

 ** _(The text comes at the same time that the song ends, and Will rolls over in bed, reaching for his phone on his bedside table. The light of it glows brightly, and the dark words stand out and make him smile so hard that his cheeks hurt. His flight is early tomorrow and already, he's too excited to sleep.)_**  
Messages/Inbox/New message  
From - Skandalous

I love u 2. Cnt wait 2 c u 4 new year.


End file.
